It been weeks since I was here. And as it seems, I've been walking deeper and deeper into this pernicious marsh that does not appear to have any way out. Remembering as hard as I could, how I even got here remains a mystery.
Restless, exasperated, tired, worn, and injured, I stopped, paused for a moment, closing my eyes, took this chance to look at myself once more. Nodding, there is only so much left to do anymore, and it is then decided that the time has arrived...
Days ago, I saw someone passing by. Surprised, as ever since I've gotten myself into this wretched place...I haven't seen a soul and this loneliness was killing myself with every passing second, and my eye lit up when I thought I saw someone. What was more surprising was that he appeared to be looking for me, and when we met we had quite a talk that left me in thoughts for a really really long time. He was very candid, told me many things that I've always wanted to avoid thinking about...because the more I think about it, the more real it becomes, the more the fear grows within, the fear that my worst imaginations are right after all. Though what he said was what many would say to be extremely negative, after some thoughts, what was said is indeed very real, if not the truth, the truth everyone wishes otherwise, I suppose.
Reflecting on my past pursuits, today, it did seem wishful, naive, hopeful, innocent at best. After all, about half of people of the forest have a lake by where they stay, the other half aren't necessary worse off - they had their own lives, busying with their committments, fulfilling their purposes and obligations. This half of the people, according to the gentleman I spoke to, most already knew much about this wretched forest and the lakes. Some actually chose to live this solitary and wandering life, because there just isn't a "clean lake" for one to settle in. Even should there be one, there'll always be someone, out of jealous and spite, do what he can to destroy. Even should there be no one having spotted a good water, nature would do what She can to protect herself, even when it means hurting you.
In the end, no one wins. People have to make do with the already "polluted waters", exchange their soul and blood to win Her, then spend the rest of time protecting Her from nature's revolt, other jealous men, act of God... there will never be peace and happiness this way. Finally, people throw up their hands in despair, walk out, giving up everything they had dreamed of, and lead a wandering life...
If all these things that he had told me all absolutely true without the slightest hope of exception...truly, I would have been fighting in vain. Shortly after we had our talk, he abruptedly stood up and we had to bid each other farewell. He said with much confidence just before he vanished into nothingness, that I would then know very well what that needs to be done. Now I guess I really do...though I'm not sure if what I'm doing is best.
Staring into blank space...I thought about many other things...my life, my friends, what I've learned, the path I took, the things I used to do, the dreams I dreamt of, my past endeavors, my fantasies, the people I used to know, those who had crossed my path...many things. My mind instantly went back to a friend whom I had dinner with not too long ago, what we said during the dinner, what we had said before that, how she spurred me and gave me hope, made me feel myself again... Did she say all that because there truly are exceptions in this world?? I don't have an answer...
After some aimless walking, I came by this high ledge. From where I am standing, I could see a huge shimmering river below me...and as my eyes cross this river, looking just almost into the horizon lies tall mountains protected by thick, green, luscious forests. The sight is simply enchanting. Weeks and weeks of aimless walking, and alas, there is something out there after all. Could this be it?
Instantly, my mind went to many places...my old school, my friends, my passion, Melon Town, the people there...many things... Shaking, I wept a tear, wiped it off and closed my eyes and shutting them tight...shutting out the images that keep flashing by as I looked back where I came from once more.
Looking down, then slowly closing my eyes, allowing that cool air to fill me once more.........
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