A Meaningful Day

Today has indeed been a very humbling day for myself. It sounds like a bad day, but it really isn't - and I'm very very glad that I don't feel that way at all. In fact, it was earlier today, I saw a big gaping hole in myself, a hole so big yet myself couldn't see.

Since young, I've always thought that I had been very smart, and especially when I talked about how I was able to make quick cash from opportunities such as trading of collectibles - phone cards, stamps, selling jerseys, expensive oakleys, and how much I made from them. Though I didn't see for myself, I can imagine my eyes glowing with glee and smiling really broadly as I boast about how good I was.

My biggest flaw is that I'm a little smart. Because of this, arrogance had blinded myself from seeing my own mistakes, becoming a better person, "being more human". And today, an accidental revelation made myself see how self-centered, ego-centric, chauvinistic, narrow-minded, and how "small" my heart is.

Bryan, an old friend of mine, whom I thought needed some advice on management of his own finances. So I introduced him to meet Forrest, a very successful business consultant who's also a friend of mine. Before they met, I had briefly shared with Forrest about Bryan. And so when they met, she spoke with such fervor and sincerity, and most importantly she was authentic, genuine. When I asked her after Bryan had left, how she was able to speak so well and so genuinely, her answer was that she really wanted to help him.

There, I was left with my mouth opened, figuratively speaking; feeling ashamed of myself, deeply. There, Forrest was helping him by allowing him to understand how a different approach to a financial problem can have other solutions. And here, I was thinking "oh boy, this guy really needs some help, man", wanting to make him change the way he thinks.

Note the difference.

Obviously, I thought I was the smart guy, I am the intelligent one, they should listen, they should change...how arrogant I was! I had been behaving like Hitler, wanting to change and manipulate, and saw that by doing that, "I am helping these people!"

It was today I understand why I have been so unsuccessful with people, and why I have been so unpopular relative to my peers. Not only I was arrogant, I have been very "small" in my thinking. In mandarin, it would literally translate to that "my heart has been very small, not big enough". As a person, I'm very stingy, a scrooge, ego-centric, and ungenerous.

Well, I'm glad and very thankful that I'm able to see myself as such today, and convinced that it is because of what I have been, I haven't been popular, and successful. Thanking and praising God, for today is such a blessing, that may I be able to achieve greater heights as a person, an entrepreneur, and a man of God. Amen.

Flux

Hi Folks,

Longest time since I was last here, and I wonder how many readers I've still got.

If you've been reading, checking once in a while, here I would like to take this opportunity to thank you guys for checking me out, see how I was doing.

So if you have been, you'd know that I had been unwell - very very very unwell for the past months. Clunks and clunks of misfortune came one after another, and I couldn't handle it, I couldn't manage it.

Fortunately enough, I somehow found some breath, some motivation within to fight back - and I did. Thinking back, you guys would have known me as someone who'd been down again and again, depression after depression, each one getting worse than the one before. However, time and time again, I emerged victorious! Yeah, I'm happy about it! From the way I see it, these waves just don't seem to give and keep getting at me - but...no longer would I sink into despair. Again, I want to thank all my friends who have given, shown me support, cared and prayed for me during the bad times, and I also want to tell you guys that I'm going down no more. :)

Ahead of me, the road's split into many many ways, some look like traps, some look like the highway, some look like a detour...none of these paths look easy. From here, it's a very difficult climb even right from the start, but looking ahead, I know something good awaits. It feels great, fantasic, and I'm even jubliant to be on the road again.

The road I take is a road less traveled
The company of the old have chosen, left, and went
We had came a long way and alas we have to part

"Here I come!" as I said to myself
Step after step is the plan I have
Yard after yard is the road I see

Left, are minds of yesterday
Abandoned, what I have today
Seeking the promising paradise of tomorrow