Of all the preachings I have made, the worst practicioner of the preachings is myself. Very often I would find myself asking God, "..do I really deserve all these?"
Now and then, I've been trying to avoid an answer at the same time, because I fear the answer, because He might really tell me one day, that I truly deserve all that, that I deserve all that mental torment, that I deserve to lead a life totally deprived of all sorts of affection and love, that I deserve to die alone, burnt and forgotten. And I guess, He has just told me...
The greatest joke is myself, my very existence. Perhaps...when I'm not around, when I don't even exist since the beginning, things that are affected by my presence would be a lot better...
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