Weather's turned cold of late, we've been getting very frequent but erratic rainfalls, temperature during the nights were almost beyond bearable limits, the strong winds took some wood off my newly built home in a small humble corner of the forest. Last night was an unusually cold night - the chill was still bearable though, past memories flew by.
Many things left to be forgotten were made manifest; I could remember the old smiles, the songs I used to sing, how the air used to smell, the things I used to think. Deep thoughts lingered for as long as the winds blew, chilly, yet comfy as they brushed across my face. Looking into the open night sky, I saw many stars seemingly busying with their own lives. There is another world out there; they were finding jobs, bringing home the bread, drinking happily with friends, enjoying a great meal, partying, noisily sleeping the night away, pondering hard how to please their girlfriends...
I suddenly recall a line, that "one can never step into the same river twice". At first glance, I never quite understood where that person was coming from when he said it. Even when I finally could understand what it meant, I couldn't still quite see what it implied or stood for. Slowly, I'm finally beginning to understand, the deeper meanings of this "nonsensical" line.
Nothing else could be seen in that complete darkness, except the stars. Looking back up into the heavens, I suddenly realized the stars had already went away. Then, there was nothing, except the winds, my broken house, and myself, and the darkness. Heaving a sigh, I coaxed myself to sleep.
The next morning wasn't any much different. The heavens were pouring gallons and gallons of water, everywhere looked so gloomy and the earth was all muddy and slippery. Going anywhere is difficult. Looking for wood now would only seem to be another wasted effort. What can I do?
That old man had left the forest sometime ago, and to be exact, I can't even remember the time I last saw him. Is he back looking for a better place to stay? Then to stay in this little hidden area? I hope he did, at least the hope of finding a good place can bring a smile to his face. Sitting tightly atop of the hill, clinging to my stark naked body, looking drearily across the gloomy horizon, and shivering from the chill. Breathing in deep and hard, the cold wet air moistens my insides.
Thursday, March 31, 2005
A Message from the President
"Members of the Bachelors' Club! It brings me great joy today to announce the arrival of a new member to the club, and also to announce the departure of another long time member of ours. First, let us all welcome this new member to the club...we all have known him for a long time, but it is only recent, that he has joined us. Then again, I also do not wish to see my fellow members and friends of the club to hang around for too long. And as the name implies, I am pretty sure none of you want to stay for long either! Nevertheless, let us all extend our best wishes to him, this new member of ours, and that his stay here in the club, be a short one!!"
"At the same time, a long time member, who has been with us since the founding of the club has left. As the president, it is of the greatest joy having to be here to announce this to everyone of you out there to hear. He has helped us a lot, has always been a wonderful and loyal friend and brother to us all. Certainly, especially the times at the table are very unforgettable experiences. Man goes like the cloud passes, our brother now has new-founded duties to fulfill. And I am sure, that we shall all miss him, but also certainly wish, that he'll be out of the club for good! Good luck bro!"
"May the heavens smile on the rest of us who are still hanging our heads in the club, that may one day, everyone of you here, would be as lucky as our buddy who has found a new purpose in his life. Godspeed."
"At the same time, a long time member, who has been with us since the founding of the club has left. As the president, it is of the greatest joy having to be here to announce this to everyone of you out there to hear. He has helped us a lot, has always been a wonderful and loyal friend and brother to us all. Certainly, especially the times at the table are very unforgettable experiences. Man goes like the cloud passes, our brother now has new-founded duties to fulfill. And I am sure, that we shall all miss him, but also certainly wish, that he'll be out of the club for good! Good luck bro!"
"May the heavens smile on the rest of us who are still hanging our heads in the club, that may one day, everyone of you here, would be as lucky as our buddy who has found a new purpose in his life. Godspeed."
Monday, March 21, 2005
The Unending Forest III (Scenario 1) - Lethargy
Everyone around me seem to me, like myself, wandering aimlessly around the forest. Like me, we still can't find a lake fresh enough to sustain life, so that one may settle and start building an house by the side. While I don't know how each of them are doing now, on my part, I've given up on a large part.
For the past months, I couldn't be much bothered to look around anymore; every part of this forest is no different from another. Much given up on hoping to find the "best place" to settle down, I got myself a pretty nice cozy little corner to settle in. It's not very spacious, gifted with modest food supplies. I could also spent half the day there, and concentrate on building a temporary little settling. One day though, while gathering materials for my new place at another sector of this forest, I came across a small little lake downhill that seem to be more than two hours worth of walk away. After walking for so long, frankly, two hours is nothing.
This time, I hardly have the intention to head there anymore. It's very tiring having to go all the way down, only to find myself disappointed and having to climb all the way up again. Perhaps what that is most needed is some self-deserved rest. At the moment, settling at this little corner does not seem to be a bad idea either.
The idea of even looking forward to finding a place, I realized, may not be the best thing to do. Afterall, many people who've gone past this forest did not have the best living conditions. So what if I can't find that best place? I got to know an old man who lived on a treetop many years ago. All his life, he's helped many like myself settle in on treetops! While to me, it seemed that having to survive on wild berries and weird fauna had poisoned his mind and speech, he does seem extremely efficient at construction.
Looking downhill...I thought to myself, "Are you sure it's a good idea???" Ambivalent, I picked up my wood and went back to my corner...
For the past months, I couldn't be much bothered to look around anymore; every part of this forest is no different from another. Much given up on hoping to find the "best place" to settle down, I got myself a pretty nice cozy little corner to settle in. It's not very spacious, gifted with modest food supplies. I could also spent half the day there, and concentrate on building a temporary little settling. One day though, while gathering materials for my new place at another sector of this forest, I came across a small little lake downhill that seem to be more than two hours worth of walk away. After walking for so long, frankly, two hours is nothing.
This time, I hardly have the intention to head there anymore. It's very tiring having to go all the way down, only to find myself disappointed and having to climb all the way up again. Perhaps what that is most needed is some self-deserved rest. At the moment, settling at this little corner does not seem to be a bad idea either.
The idea of even looking forward to finding a place, I realized, may not be the best thing to do. Afterall, many people who've gone past this forest did not have the best living conditions. So what if I can't find that best place? I got to know an old man who lived on a treetop many years ago. All his life, he's helped many like myself settle in on treetops! While to me, it seemed that having to survive on wild berries and weird fauna had poisoned his mind and speech, he does seem extremely efficient at construction.
Looking downhill...I thought to myself, "Are you sure it's a good idea???" Ambivalent, I picked up my wood and went back to my corner...
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Fragments
That Familiar Old Vision
I remembered saying this year is gonna be a good one in the first months of the year. Before I even got warmed up to prepare for what that were gonna come, I wanted to take those words back immediately.
Pausing, I ain't what I was as I had remembered, same goes for the people around me. Most of my friends are already out of school, out into the world, boys finally learning to what it really takes to be alone on the outside. No longer is now the time to be sitting in the study area, making fun of our own friends, sticking paper turtles on people's backs, throwing chalks at Mr. Chandra when he had his back on us. We were still concerned about if the girl from the other class feel about us, what time lessons gonna end, grumbling and complaining about spending so much time in school, getting scolded for not handing in homeworks...
Not too long after, we all have very different situations sitting on our laps. Money, our dads, education, employment, crossing our eyes when we're gonna get lifetime membership to the Bachelor's Club. Even when we don't say it, sometimes it seems so obvious that a part of us all longs to head back to other class, just to steal a look at her.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fair share
The older we get, it seems even harder to be convinced that the world is fair. Whenever we go out for a drink, hang out somewhere, a close friend of mine would always, never failed to be being made fun of. While it's hard to explain why, everyone of us takes turn to poke at him, call him names and stuff, put him down. In an odd way, he has my admiration - he's endured such "insults" for us for close to a decade already, and we all are still pretty close. If I were him, I wouldn't know how I would be able to take it. Being him, he probably could be wondering why is it that we'll always have something to say about him? Maybe he would have then blamed himself for his incompetence, be it real or not. If he took it personally, perhaps he would have left us long ago. Good thing he didn't take our insults personally, neither did we all mean to put him down - it was all childish fun. At least I think he didn't.
On fairness, what then, is the most appropriate thing to do in this world where nothing is fair? Do we grab our own share and be happy with it? Or do we learn to share the spoils with our friends, stay close, and wait in our trenches? Or pretend to surrender, then machinegun at the enemies, getting victory any way that makes it possible?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sector E
Personally, these recents months of the year had deafen my ears to artillery, and getting used to it is probably the best thing to do for now. At 0900hrs, I am gonna have to take down sector E alone. No one else can do it but me; I'm not sure what it will take, it's definitely not going to be easy. It's my own war now, if I don't do it, no one can. If I choose not to do it, victory would never come. Hiding in my foxhole is a thing of the past, I've have to go now...
I remembered saying this year is gonna be a good one in the first months of the year. Before I even got warmed up to prepare for what that were gonna come, I wanted to take those words back immediately.
Pausing, I ain't what I was as I had remembered, same goes for the people around me. Most of my friends are already out of school, out into the world, boys finally learning to what it really takes to be alone on the outside. No longer is now the time to be sitting in the study area, making fun of our own friends, sticking paper turtles on people's backs, throwing chalks at Mr. Chandra when he had his back on us. We were still concerned about if the girl from the other class feel about us, what time lessons gonna end, grumbling and complaining about spending so much time in school, getting scolded for not handing in homeworks...
Not too long after, we all have very different situations sitting on our laps. Money, our dads, education, employment, crossing our eyes when we're gonna get lifetime membership to the Bachelor's Club. Even when we don't say it, sometimes it seems so obvious that a part of us all longs to head back to other class, just to steal a look at her.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fair share
The older we get, it seems even harder to be convinced that the world is fair. Whenever we go out for a drink, hang out somewhere, a close friend of mine would always, never failed to be being made fun of. While it's hard to explain why, everyone of us takes turn to poke at him, call him names and stuff, put him down. In an odd way, he has my admiration - he's endured such "insults" for us for close to a decade already, and we all are still pretty close. If I were him, I wouldn't know how I would be able to take it. Being him, he probably could be wondering why is it that we'll always have something to say about him? Maybe he would have then blamed himself for his incompetence, be it real or not. If he took it personally, perhaps he would have left us long ago. Good thing he didn't take our insults personally, neither did we all mean to put him down - it was all childish fun. At least I think he didn't.
On fairness, what then, is the most appropriate thing to do in this world where nothing is fair? Do we grab our own share and be happy with it? Or do we learn to share the spoils with our friends, stay close, and wait in our trenches? Or pretend to surrender, then machinegun at the enemies, getting victory any way that makes it possible?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sector E
Personally, these recents months of the year had deafen my ears to artillery, and getting used to it is probably the best thing to do for now. At 0900hrs, I am gonna have to take down sector E alone. No one else can do it but me; I'm not sure what it will take, it's definitely not going to be easy. It's my own war now, if I don't do it, no one can. If I choose not to do it, victory would never come. Hiding in my foxhole is a thing of the past, I've have to go now...
Quote of the Day
"The most painful experiences have the most wisdom to offer, always."
- Richard Lee
"Everyone sees the same thing differently."
-Richard Lee
"There is no such thing as absolute time."
-Albert Einstein
"You can't step into the same river twice."
-by an ancient Greek philosopher
- Richard Lee
"Everyone sees the same thing differently."
-Richard Lee
"There is no such thing as absolute time."
-Albert Einstein
"You can't step into the same river twice."
-by an ancient Greek philosopher
Monday, March 14, 2005
Quote of the Day
"Knowing is not enough; we must apply
Willing is not enough; we must do"
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
Willing is not enough; we must do"
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
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