The curse

Certainly not a creative day to start writing, but after reading some of my friend's works, I just feel like it, even my brain is practically empty - and this is what i am going to write about.

Frankly, I am really sick and tired of a lot of things. And perhaps this is my own doing, my thinking too much. Everyday I wake up, fatigued, drained and a general lack of energy. But instead of complaining this much, I'll try to recollect some of the things that has improved.

By a sheer stroke of luck, my tuition fees are no longer an issue - still I'm heading to the rural Utah State for my education in time to come. The one who's been causing me much anguish has finally disappeared for a while. What worries me more is the ability to handle myself - the lack of ability to discipline myself, essentially.

Yet, discipline doesn't seem apt enough, because I can still keep up with a lot of things...it's the emotions and the mind drain that is hindering my progress. They are also my strongest demons since the recent years, which I have yet to conquer. Though my progress had been but modest, the curse of cupid would time and again thwart my efforts to pick myself up. So far, romance had never been a blessing to me, it had pained me, paralyzed me, robbed me much of my zeal, my spirit, and will.

Just as I was getting better, my grades should much improvement, someone walked into my life. Expectedly, I lost the battle hands down. Subsequently, I tried venting some of my frustration on the recent soccer matches. Luckily, I am still able to control my spendings, and rational enough to win some pocket money.

When she finally left, of all things, I was to dig up some of my past and talk about...to explain things to my ex...things that I had never told her, things that I thought she deserved to know. Nevertheless, I became rather depressed. No longer am I clear about what she means to me now, perhaps, ambivalence is the word here.

I pray that may the Lord have mercy on me.