Wilful Disobediance

Somehow..i knew it was going to happen....another permutation of "I need time to think..."

Frankly, I'm more than simply being angry..this time, not other people but myself. Perhaps I really have read too much into things that I ended up and deserve this end. That I would be shamed by no one else but my own intellect and over-intellect. Where have i left off my wisdom? Where has She gone to? Perhaps I should have listened to her...and everytime things turn out to be this way, it is because i didn't listen to her. For a moment, I wish I can find Lady Wisdom again, I need her.

Now as i would ask myself, i dont know who or what had led me into this...was it me? Or was it the Lady herself? It could be my stupidty....my stupidty for turning a deaf ear on her kindred advice. For the entire week, and ever since the start of the year i could really for the first time in my life, i've never been more honest with myself.... The worst news could be the opposite is also very true. Which is which is something my intelligence can't tell. It was a confident shot at life....my studies are on track, my life is on track...path's all laid out now. Could this be all?? And truly nothing else more? Like I have just said to her, I was really echoing that in all i do i ask myself and even the divine upteen times before i make a leap. The trouble is, this time i didn't. I asked no one but myself.

Now, is it me or me, or me that is speaking? I wish I know...