It could be a good thing, that I'm taking a big leap forward into the unknown. Good thing doesn't however imply happiness, it could mean a big lesson in some of the most painful way. Afterall, my entire life has been like that. It might be that I'm meant to be like that...so I'm holding the horses trying not to make major changes to my life yet. Because people always tell me that I should learn to party, be more friendly and sociable, it upsets me a lot, partly because I appreciate myself for what I am. Perhaps I am what I am, I feel that I've achieved the wisdom necessary for my passion...to reach to the weak. Irony is that I am not a kind person...haha.
This trip could prove to be the most painful event in the early part of this year. Obligations tripled, and I'll be facing with even more things at a time than others...and I shall be strong in the face of the "tsunami" of disasters..hopefully. I sense disaster, frankly, in this trip, even my friends are really happy for me that I'm potentially leaving our "Bachelor's Club" for a good long time. Me, on the other hand, isn't that optimistic. Needless to say, this better be good.
If this does turn out to be a disaster, it'll go to prove that I'm after all right about the whole thing...I won't reveal as yet. Given a choice, I don't want to be what I am...in a way, I'm still in denial, despite my improvements in being at peace with myself. I see my fate, and I pray that I may avoid it...I pray that I won't be right.
"Lord Jesus Christ, the only Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner... Amen"
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