Day gone to waste

Today was supposed to be just like any other day - going to the library, staying there for some hours for my revisions, then a late lunch, and my well-deserved afternoon nap, and what happened today was none of those.

Not like there is any good that happened that disrupted my routine, but another sleepless night, literally. It was either too cold with the air-conditioning, or too warm without. Lying on my back, my eyes were still full of life, and almost as tireless as i speak. I heard the sound coming from the air-con, my heart beats, and silence. Despite the peaceful settings, my mind was everywhere, thinking about my future education, the college I'm gonna choose, my parents, romance, my grades, God, my friends etc...they just went on and on. Ironically, just an hour before i actually hit the pillow, I already took my sleeping pills, something that I rarely take now, and remained wide awake through the night. I was fumbling, and tossing, and thinking, pondering, listening to my surroundings...then I heard my parents have already gotten up and were about to head to work. It was already past 4am.

Even after my parents left, an hour after they got up, I was still tossing about - and if i were to calculate, i had been tossing for the past 4 to 5 hours.

By sometime around ten in the morning, i was anything sleepy yet I was neither awake. My mind seem to be shrouded by something, or a smokescreen. Neither thinking, nor lazing, nothing I do seem to go right. In a way I was intoxicated, or deprived, the mind was seemingly soaked with mild alcohol, but not feeling drunk.

Even as i speak, I still haven't slept since 32 hours ago. Looking out, the sky is grim, air is still, not cold, not warm, peaceful but melancholic. Not many hours later, I'll be meeting some of my old, long-time friends, and logically, I should either be excited, looking forward, bouncy, or even bubbly...I'm only feeling a little more than a corpse.

Hopefully, after dinner, things would change. Even if my mood or what i'm feeling won't change, I'm getting back to my revisions, which i ought to commit at least some 3 hours to. And that could mean another thing...another sleepless night, which is the last thing i want.